D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T.

So today was late start, and I ditched my first again -_-, playing Halo at Adam's and to get some breakfast at McD's, along with my brother, Marcelo, Eric, and Adam. The apple pies were yummy. I want to go again, haha.

Then starting at 2nd period, everything just seemed so different today. Everyone treated me very differently. I just hated it. It didn't feel right. It felt as if my life was paused for a day or two while everyone went ahead. I can't explain much through words. But I just hope to never experience this again. Or at least not anytime soon. It just started making me feel so heavy inside and It even made it difficult for me to breathe. At first I thought It was my allergic reaction but later on I could tell it wasn't. It might sound a bit wierd or dumb. But this is the best way I can explain it. Today was a shitty day overall. It seems like It was all just a really bad dream. But I know it's reality. I wonder If somethings wrong with me? Or is everyone just not themselves these days. I'm so confused and lost. I hope things start getting better.

Yesterday night I was up till 2.a.m. talking to an old friend of mine. And just talking/thinking about my future scared the living crap out of me. Just thinking about how my future is going to be.. Like growing up, marrying, having kids, then dieing..along with all the problems that'll come in between. It kinda makes me want to be a teenager forever. But of course, I know I can't be.

Everyone is different. I know some people that can't wait to grow up, or some people that Isn't scared to die. It's just so weird how we all think differently and so alike at the same time. I don't know. I guess I'm just a little bit too much depressed right now?

I want to change. I need to stop being bad and making bad decisions. Stop ditching, start doing good in school and actually think ahead, stop thinking about b**zing with other people and all that stupid stuff. But I have no motivation :( Nothings really pushing me to do anything. And I know I should be doing this for myself, but oddly, thats not enough to get me going. Why did I have to be born this way-_-. I wish I was a smart nerd 8] Lmfao. At least I know what to wish for at 11:11p.m. tonight.

-SHIN.